Defeated
by thestreetsbelow
Summary: Naomi wakes up under a bounce house. Set after Pandora's birthday episode in series 3. Naomily oneshot


Defeated

It's Naomi who wakes up first to this shit of a bed.

Back's on the floor with inches of thick yellow vinyl between her and the grass and feet of it piled on above. It's suffocating and for a moment, she forgets how she ended up there, body aching and stomach churning. Then Emily shifts next to her and recollection hits, and she can't decide if it's the mix of drugs, vodka, and cake or the plain fact that she's given in to the one thing she told herself she'd avoid that's making her sick.

She attempts to sit up, sore arms lifting the deflated bounce castle enough for breathing room, revealing the younger Fitch twin as she sleeps. It's an overwhelming sight and it's filling her with an equal sense of panic and glee.

Although perhaps more panic because she's feeling last night's dinner returning to her.

She manages to stumble out on all fours and sets out to find a trash can but the bile beats her to it and she's retching out an empty stomach. She tries to spit away the bitterness left in her throat, only managing to wipe away a mere fraction with the back of her hand. It's starting to become a habit, this. Giving in to the weakness she's been shoving aside for the better part of 4 years. Forgetting that she'd taught herself to keep them all out because of this. Her.

She's on her knees now, either unwilling or unable to muster the strength to attempt to stand, and in a moment she regrets never trying because of the hand that touches her shoulder.

Head whirls back, and she regrets that too. She's fighting a headache when she doesn't have the strength.

"Some pyjama party, yeah?"

She doesn't understand how she couldn't have heard her move. Not even a fucking rustle. But she's there anyway and Naomi's struggling to hang on to this insouciance. She shrugs, brushes off her comment like she's got no care to talk about it.

She can't hide behind the MDMA anymore, which makes anything she says fair game, so she bites her tongue and hopes Emily'll be kind enough to give her a pass for the morning. It's not in her to be snarky and sardonic when she can barely keep herself steady.

But at the same time, she's writhing in the silence.

A deep breath and Naomi's managed to get herself up, well aware of the pair of eyes watching her as she does so. It's this game they play, this dance they do and it's starting to tire her out because last year, they could go weeks without having to exchange even a single word. It was easier then, but now.

Now they're level and Naomi's fighting the urge to brush Emily's hair back away from her face. If she just lifts her arm…

The shriek from inside Pandora's house makes them both jump, and in seconds, they're off onto the front yard and Naomi's walking down the street, half-hoping Emily won't follow.

She doesn't.

But the thing is, Naomi's realized that it's the only thing she wants.

* * *

They're in the common room and Pandora's explaining to Thomas how her mother's banned the girls from coming back to her house when Emily walks in behind Katie. She offers a tired smile to the group and sits across from Naomi, who's been counting the number of marks on the wall. It's been like this for half an hour, Pandora going on as Thomas gawks at the bonkers and whizzers. Effy's slipped into her own state , motionless, and both Freddie and Cook are trying too hard to make it like they don't care for her attention, which leaves Naomi alone with herself, who, she realizes, is her least favorite person at this point.

She finds that Emily's watching her again, this pair of brilliant hazel begging to be acknowledged. It's a wonderful feeling, really, but she can't stand it because it's out of her control and there's nothing to hide behind.

Naomi's up and out of the room in half a second.

Except this time, she's got Emily coming after her.

"Naomi. _Naomi, _wait."

She's caught her in a nearly empty hall and there's nowhere to run, so she turns, gives Emily the look she's practiced too often.

"I don't want things to always be like this."

A shrug. It seems like all she can do today is fucking shrug, but what else is there? "Okay. Neither do I."

"Naomi…"

"Look, it doesn't matter what happened, alright?" she pauses, closes her eyes for second before, "Can we just—"

"What, forget it ever happened?"

Naomi doesn't answer. Just looks and it's heartbreaking because she can see the disappointment that's surfaced in her entire body. Shoulders drop and mouth loses the almost smile she always seems to carry. She won't fight it.

Emily just shrugs, looks down and pulls her purse closer to her shoulder. "Fine."

The word comes out quietly, defeated. This is what being the overshadowed sister does, she supposes. The fight's been beaten out of her.

Naomi nods like she's content. It's not true, but she's won this battle and needs to give off some semblance of victory.

"Okay."

Emily closes her eyes, shakes her head. A sigh and she's walking away, disappearing back into the room.

It's when Naomi can finally let go of this shield and let herself look as defeated as she felt.

It's a battle she doesn't want to fight anymore.


End file.
